It is strange that I had never really wondered before what NAMASTE literally meant. I mean I knew it meant something that implied the act of bowing in Sanskrit. But wouldn’t have been able to dissect the word down to its roots and elaborate what its literate meaning was. So today when I heard the rendition in the blog title (in a yoga CD of all places!) it got me thinking.. Its pretty neat isn’t it? ‘I salute the light within you!’ ….Seems like a lot to say in a single, short greeting, yet quite remarkable! Its derived from the Sanskrit namas (bow) and te (to you). More accurately though, the implied meaning of the term is - "I respect that divinity within you that is also within me". Of all the countless times that I have spoken this word and greeted family, friends, acquaintances and strangers, I never appreciated its entire breadth. The act of pressing your palms together and bringing them close to the chest that accompanies the vocal address is a pose called ‘anjali mudra’. The symbolism behind the pose is that one hand represents the divine, spiritual self, while the other represents the worldly self. By combining the two, the person making the gesture is attempting to rise above his differences with others, and connect himself with the person to whom he bows. I am not sure if the meaning of the term will really come to my mind the next time I use the salutation—I will probably parrot it out of habit as I have been doing for so many years..Yet I at least know what it implies now and will hopefully try to make it mean more on some occasions!!
Saturday, September 12, 2009
Sunday, September 6, 2009
Part III: A sense of calm..
Day 21: It was the longest run of our training yet-- 20 miles! I could still feel pain at the back of my knee while walking, hence running was not an option. It was a big day for Abhi though! So I decided to accompany him and bike my way along on the Minuteman Trail while he completed his 20-mile run. It is interesting that although walking was painful, biking actually felt quite good since it does not involve the same muscles and repetitive impact. It was great to cheer Abhi and the other runners and I was able to get some cardiovascular exercise too in the bargain! Getting out actually felt better than staying home. At the same time it was difficult to sit out yet another run. Typically a few weeks before any marathon, athletes enter what is called a ‘taper period’. That means you do shorter runs at an easy effort with the intent of not over-exerting your body and resting it to be strong for race day. So in a couple of weeks, our group was about to begin this period—this meant that peak training time was NOW … or never. Everybody in our group was sorry to hear about my injury and hopeful that I recuperate soon.
Meanwhile, as a last ditch effort, our coach recommended another physical therapist. I decided to give it a shot. So on Day 25, I was at his office bright and early at 7 a.m. I was very apprehensive – after having visited a couple of doctors and PT’s in the past few weeks, there was a weird sense of deja vu and a fear of getting lost in circles again. To my pleasant surprise though, things turned out quite differently! After some quick questions and evaluation, the therapist was very confidently able to diagnose that my problem seemed to be ‘popliteus tendonitis’ – an inflammation in the popliteus tendon that runs at the back of the knee. The symptoms he described for the condition fit in quite well with my own and I was relieved that finally there seemed to be a definitive diagnosis. Now, the important question was recovery and time-frame. He said we could be ‘cautiously optimistic’ about running. But first it was important to treat the injury—that meant no running and only simple exercises that he prescribed. To speed up the healing he affixed a patch filled with anti-inflammatory medication that uses a micro electric current to "drive" charged molecules through the skin and into the tissues. As I have now learned the process is better known as ‘iontophoresis’ and is a common therapy tool. I felt really good that day—it was as if the pain had absolutely disappeared!! However, as the effect of the medication wore on, the pain was back by evening – though lesser in intensity! This was a promising sign.
It’s now been 2 days since then. I have to meet the therapist for sessions throughout next week. I am still not sure how my knee will feel once I start running – though I want to be optimistic! These past weeks have been chaotic—I have realized how frustrating it can be to not be able to do something that you thought you almost did. I have also been humbled by the sheer reality of circumstances that present themselves, and the importance of finding a silver lining in bleak times. Through the well-wishes of family and friends I have found the ability to remain positive. I will still try to train for the full marathon (if time allows), will aim for the half-marathon if that doesn’t work out, and will try my best to raise funds for AID and ASHA even if I can’t run. It is because I have realized in this process that it is not simply about running – it is about finishing what I started – about making this journey worthwhile. If by something I can do-- like running or reaching out to my friends and colleagues-- I can help two hard-working organizations find solutions to some of India’s overwhelming problems, it is totally worth the effort. So if you are reading this, please visit my fundraising page for TEAM AID-ASHA at http://2009.teamaidasha.org/Runner.aspx?Num=20088826 and donate any amount that suits you. Your donation will be so important in bringing about grassroots change in India – and the gesture will raise my spirits to heal fast and run hard!
Part II: In the Doldrums….
A week into the injury, I was getting really worried so visited the massage therapist I’d seen in the past- unfortunately, the therapy didn’t seem to have the same miraculous effects as before. I tried running the next day and couldn’t even get past the block – limped my way back home and tried to convince myself that I had to be patient and rest it out. Time was running out though. The upcoming weekend was the 18 mile run, and to keep up with the schedule, I had to heal fast. On Day 9 I tried a 2-mile run and walked almost half of it, tried another 3-miles on Day 11 & tried to run most of it. It was painful all the way and my knee had swollen up by the time I got home. I was getting rather stressed by this point. More than the physical pain, the injury was gnawing at my mental peace. I was irritable and confused –dug up a dizzying amount of (often conflicting) information on the net about running injuries, hoping to find a miracle stretch.
Meanwhile it was also high time in our program to begin fundraising – which really is the bigger purpose behind running at all. For me that is what makes this program so special –the fact that you undertake a challenging personal task and use it to create awareness about a larger cause. The relationship was so symbiotic in my mind that the inability to run any more, made it very difficult to initiate the fundraising effort. Still defiant to run I showed up for the 18-mile weekend run on Day 14. I somehow completed a painful 7 miles and by the end was certain that I needed intervention. Looked up a sports therapy place close by and went in for an evaluation on Day 16. There began my journey down the road of endless calls to my PCP (who was on vacation), her assistant, the specialist’s office and an overwhelming exasperation with the needlessly complex way healthcare works here! As if I was not already drained by the effort, the new therapist recommended that I see an orthopedist to rule out any bone injuries! I must confess that by this time I had reached the brink of my patience and good humor. It felt as if I was just going round in circles. The therapist was unable to provide a definitive diagnosis and asked me to lay off running for a while. Having lost more than 2 weeks of training time in an already tight schedule was not doing wonders for my faith in being ready and able to run the marathon. Besides the knee and shin were not feeling better either.. there was persistent pain and swelling that would go away and reappear. Nonetheless an appointment with the orthopedist was made – and I continued to try shorter runs without much success.
Day 20: The orthopedist ruled out a fracture (again!!) or compartment syndrome (that my therapist somehow thought I might have) and asked me to forget about running this year. His diagnosis was that due to multiple and persistent piling of small injuries after each run, my left leg had inflamed to a point that I simply needed to let it heal completely. Running would commence only in small increments and with the marathon creeping up so soon there just wasn’t enough time. The drive back from his clinic was a sad one—I had till now been harboring hope against all odds that I could still run the marathon. In the ensuing two days it finally dawned upon me that I might not realistically be able to accomplish the goal towards which I had been training for the past few months. It was definitely disappointing. After a day of brooding and during yet another bout of Abhi trying to lift my spirits, we got talking about aiming for a half-marathon if not the full this year. This would also allow me to canvass for the charities and be able to raise funds. It being the last day for registering for the Lowell Half-Marathon, I went ahead and reserved my spot. However, as I limped about our one-bed apartment from one room to the next, how I was going to be able to run the 13.1 miles seemed very dubious.
Part I: The 17-miler!… and the Aftermath
The past 4 weeks have been a mixed bag of emotions – there have been moments of elation and those of disappointment, of inspiration and renewed resolve, yet more setbacks and confusion, and finally efforts to find some peace. Since an elaboration was turning this post into an epic in terms of length, I have split it in 3 parts..I apologize for the verbosity – regard them as the ranting of a beleaguered wannabe runner.
Starting where I left off, August 8 was a high point – I completed my 17-mile run..yippee!! And was hoping it was going to signal a comeback of sorts after my previous bout of shin pains. It was also a great mental motivator..17 just seems closer to 20 – and although the number seemed quite intimidating before the run, I had decided that I needed to overcome it if I was going to be running the full 26.2 miles…Fortunately, things seem to fall in place that particular sunny Saturday morning – I ran at my pace, and after a couple of miles of discomfort in my shins, felt pretty strong throughout the rest of the run – and of course the smile strategy helped too I believe ;) I was able to appreciate just how challenging it is to run long distances..to be engaged in a back and forth dialogue between your mind and body, fend off the temptation to stop and be fueled by the desire to get to the finish. As I came running in towards the finish line, Abhi was already there with camera in tow so thankfully there are some pics for memory’s sake! I could never ever imagine that I could run 17 miles..and here I was, both humbled by the effort and yet proud of the accomplishment.
And then there was the AFTERMATH-yep, as great as I felt immediately after the run, the story was a little different as the day wore on..by the time we got home my legs started feeling more and more sore. By afternoon, I was hobbling around the house with a piercing pain in my left knee and calves—and by evening the pain became so unbearable that I could put absolutely no bodyweight on that leg…which meant that Abhi had to literally carry me from one room to the next. Hmmm…this was not looking good at all—we were both scared that that I might have developed the dreaded ‘stress fracture’ and we did not even want to contemplate what that would mean for running the marathon. Anyways, long story short, I called up the emergency dept. and fixed an appointment for the next day.
The doctor knocked and pressed at several spots on my leg and was able to discern that there didn’t seem to be a fracture—so that was a good news!!..Yet, he cautioned against putting any weight on the leg and gave me crutches to use for a few days!! Imagine that—running 17 miles one day—feeling all fit and healthy and being in crutches 24 hours later! I was quite demoralized to say the least and anxious to get back on my feet asap. Took the Monday off from work, downed a few ipubrufens, iced, elevated—followed the whole shebang and the pain seemed to be getting better, if only slightly so. Limped my way to office the next day – it was pretty clear that I was going to have to sit out on the upcoming weekend run. Infact by Saturday- Day 7, I was still limping and running seemed quite incomprehensible.